Life Lessons from Dance part 2
Written December 31, 2023. Didn't press "publish" until a year later.
The deeper you get into anything, the more you learn about everything. This is especially true in the world of social dances like bachata, zouk and kizomba. Let me share my discoveries with you, and then you can decide if they ring true for your daily life too.
TWO WAY COMMUNICATION — While solo dancing is like a monologue, partner dancing is a conversation between two people (usually). To stick with the metaphor, a common bad habit is for one dancer to not let the the other finish their sentence. Many followers feel the beginning of a lead and then guess what it is before the leader can finish. And many leaders will start the next move before the follower is finished. We all probably know the difference between somebody who merely waits to talk, or actually truly listens. Good listening is a skill, and a valuable one, that never goes out of style. The most successful podcaster out there, Joe Rogan, just has smart people come onto his show and talk for 3 hours while he sits and acts as a good listener. Good listeners are magnetic, because they make you feel understood. Listening creates connection off the dance floor and on the dance floor.
Often times the dancers that everybody goes home and dreams about, aren’t necessarily doing the fanciest moves, but they are really listening. And if you do that with intention, even a 20 minute embrace where you are breathing in unison (like in Kizomba) feels more euphoric than anything you can experience climbing mountains, using substances, or even having sex.
CONNECTION IS KING/QUEEN — In partner dance world we are always talking about connection. Connection is so awesome because it is a desire and a need all bundled together. You can zoom out to the scope of connection with a dance community, or zoom in to the literal meaning of connection between dancers’ physical hold on each others. Luckily better listening allows for better connection with your own body, your partner and the music.
THE LESS YOU KNOW, THE BETTER YOU KNOW IT - To quote Bruce Lee "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." In bachata especially, there is a tendency among dancers to go for breadth instead of depth. People want to learn 100 new moves they don’t even know how to do instead of perfecting 1 thing they are doing poorly. Some of the most successful dancers do the same moves over and over again in different combinations, and this is a good thing. Instead of being a chameleon, they decide what they like and double down on creating their own style. Sometimes you have to do it wrong to appreciate what is right. Still, I truly wish to help beginners in dance, and pretty much anything else, trust the process, and drill the fundamentals until they have a solid foundation. With time and dedication their own style to emerge as a result. Going deep into a dance touches on several other virtues like patience, habits, discipline, sacrifice and devotion.
More of that to come…